Heartbreak #3

It's been almost one month since we got the news that our third IVF cycle failed (transfer 11/9/16, beta 11/18/16).  There were few emotions tied to this cycle, but the emotions that were present have pretty much subsided with time.

We lost these two embryos, these two potential precious babies.  We've now lost a total of five embryos.  From day one, we were told that my egg quality is poor.  After three failed cycles, we are now ready to move on.  We have accepted the fact that I will never have another biological child.  However, I do feel happy that I won't have to put my body through the trauma of IVF stimulation and egg retrieval again.

Although we are ready to move on, we still aren't ready to give up.  We've decided to seek a third opinion at a third clinic.  We started at Rocky Mountain Fertility Center (RMFC), then transferred to the world renowned Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM), and now we are giving Conceptions a shot. We have a consult scheduled on January 5th.  We don't expect to hear that they can do great things and get us pregnant with my eggs.  But we do hope to find that our new doctor will be supportive of our decision to move forward with donor eggs and test for immunologic disorders.  Donor eggs were recommended after our first failed cycle at RMFC, but weren't recommended at CCRM when we got a second opinion.  While we were initially happy that CCRM was confident that we could use my eggs, I'm now rather angry that we wasted so much time and money.

So, our next steps are to go to the consult at Conceptions on January 5th and to search for an egg donor.  In the meantime, I'm enjoying chocolate, gluten, soy, high-histamine foods, and wine :)

Hello, again...

Well, we can certainly tell this is our third IVF attempt.  I haven't been blogging as much this time around.  In fact, I haven't been thinking about it as much at all.  Andrew and I both feel fairly numb to the experience at this point.  We are only a few days away from our third embryo transfer, and we don't have many emotions towards it.

But, we are doing what needs to be done.

A few weeks ago I had an ultrasound and doppler.  At that time, they found cysts on both ovaries and low uterine blood flow.  I have been going to electroacupuncture twice a week for four weeks now.  I just had my follow up ultrasound and doppler.  The cysts are still present, but don't seem to be a problem since they are stable.  My uterine blood flow has significantly improved, so we are happy with the effort spent on electroacupuncture.

We also consulted with our fertility specialist about a reaction that we realized my body has every time I have been pregnant (twice) or have had an embryo transfer (twice).  Each time,  a few days after the positive pregnancy test or a few days after the embryo transfer, I have painful stomach cramps that turn into 24-36 hours of vomiting and diarrhea (I know, yuck).  So for this transfer, our doctor has put me on the antihistamine protocol.  I'll be taking a cocktail of antihistamine medications to help prevent this reaction, which is another thing that could be destroying the embryos each time (except the indestructible Chase embryo).

I have also been working with a Certified Nutrition Therapy Practitioner to ensure that I am getting adequate nutrients while avoiding harmful foods.  Until now, I didn't realize that some of my favorite foods are high histamine foods, such as strawberries, cashews, and chocolate.  I am doing my best to avoid these foods while eating more low histamine and anti-inflammatory foods.

We are hoping that all of these efforts will give us a successful outcome. So far, things are looking up.  Along with improved uterine blood flow, my recent ultrasound also found good perfusion, adequate uterine lining at 8.6 (they like to see it in between 8 and 10), and a triple stripe pattern of the uterine lining (a must!).

Our transfer is scheduled for Wednesday November 9th.  At this point, we have two "day 6 grade 4BB" embryos.  As long as they both survive the thawing process, we will move forward with the transfer on that day.

A week in review...

Wow, the week has flown by, and I just realized that we haven't posted any updates since before the egg retrieval!

On Saturday, 4/23 we had our third and final egg retrieval.  While we retrieved fewer eggs than expected, it was still the most we've ever gotten during a retrieval--11 eggs.  The next day, the embryologist called us with the fertilization report.  Nine of the 11 eggs were mature, but only five fertilized.  They tried to mature the other two eggs in the lab, but it was unsuccessful.

We were happy to have five fertilized eggs.  On day three, the embryologist called again with an update.  All five embryos were continuing to grow!  They were all within the normal range of cells for day three.  They also look for fragmentation of the embryos.  Two of ours had little to no fragmentation, and three had no fragmentation.  The embryologist told me that this indicates good quality embryos.  I was all smiles!

Today is officially day six.  The embryologist called us this morning with the blast report.  Three of our embryos stopped growing in between day three and day six, and two embryos made it to the blastocyst phase.  Both embryos have the exact same grade--day 6, 4BB.  For reference, a day 5, 5AA is best.  So, our embryos, once again, took longer to get to the blast phase.

I'm really not sure how to feel right now.  On one hand, I'm happy to have two embryos to work with.  On the other hand, I'm disappointed in the grade of both, and it's really hard to get excited for a transfer.  But, these roller coaster emotions are all part of the infertility life, and we are used to it by now.

We will likely have our transfer within the next two months.  But, first, we are going to regroup with our doctor to find out if we should transfer one or two embryos and to make sure that my body is truly ready.

It's trigger day!

I have been stimming for 13 long days now, waiting for follicles to grow.  My belly is bruised, swollen, and sore from all of the daily injections.  But, it is coming to end, and I am ready for my third and final egg retrieval.

At our first follicle check this round, I had very few follicles, and I starting doubting our decision to go for another round with my eggs.  But over the last 13 days, the follicles have continued to grow, and we now have a total of 15, which is a great number for me!  It is estimated that 13 of those follicles will have mature eggs (based on their growth).  This is our best round so far.  I'm trying to stay positive without getting my hopes up, because it all comes down to the quality of those eggs.  I hope that the acai, vitamin cocktail, and changes I've made all come together to help create good quality eggs that fertilize normally and make it to blastocyst.

The egg retrieval is on Saturday.  After 1-2 days, we will get our fertilization report -- how many eggs are mature and how many fertilize.  Another 4-5 days later will find out how many embryos make it to blastocyst.  From there, any embryos we have will be frozen while my body detoxifies from these horrible fertility drugs.  We haven't chosen a transfer date yet, but I imagine it will be approximately 2 months after the retrieval.

Round 3, here we go!

When we first decided to try IVF, over a year ago, I never imagined that there would be a round three.  I was naive and thought we would be successful after one cycle.  But here we are, calendar in hand, ready to face our third and final (yes, I said final) cycle using my own eggs.

I've spent the last two months trying to improve my egg quality.  With each IVF cycle, I've become more and more careful about what foods and beverages I put into my body.  I'm a generally healthy person, but I've had to change my dietary eating habits to match those that are associated with fertility treatments.

I've also been taking OvaHealth (acai--three times per day) and a female vitamin cocktail during the last two months in hopes of improving my egg quality.  The vitamin cocktail includes some antioxidants such as vitamins C and E and melatonin.  I am also taking a prescription prenatal vitamin, which contains adequate folic acid in a form that is easy to absorb.  DHA, Myo-Inositol, and CoQ10 are also on my daily list.  If a 34 year old woman carrying a large pill box around doesn't scream sexy, I don't know what does...

This cycle, I've not only been concerned about what I put in my body, but also what I put on my body.  I've been focusing on avoiding phthalates, parabens, and BPA, as all three have an association with infertility or poor egg quality (I've been doing my homework!).  I've changed my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, deodorant, sunblock, and toothpaste.  I now look for these items without phthalates and parabens, and I look for them in BPA-free containers.  I've also changed our laundry detergent, fabric softener, dish soap, and dish washing detergent.  Even if this doesn't help my egg quality, I still feel good about the changes (regardless of the increased cost) as I am using more organic, vegan, and cruelty-free products.

We will start the stims (those fun injections) for the last time in about three weeks.  We are tentatively scheduled for our last egg retrieval on April 21st.  We will soon find out if all of the changes I've made are improving my egg quality.

Regroup update

It's been three weeks since our regroup appointment with our doctor.  Andrew and I have had time to discuss our options and wishes, and we can now provide an update.

Upon entering the consult room, Dr. Schoolcraft said, "this must be like deja vu for you two."  Well, yes, in a way it certainly was.  This was our second IVF fail regroup.  Except this time was easier since we weren't as naive as the first time.

 When we failed at the first clinic, Dr. Schoolcraft (our current specialist) thought that the lab might have been low-quality, prohibiting some of the embryos from developing, and that the two embryos we did have were destroyed after transfer by my hydrosalpinx.  Dr. Schoolcraft fixed the hydrosalpinx and tested me for any other problem that might prevent me from carrying--all is well!

So, why did we fail?  It all comes down to the quality of my eggs.  Andrew's sperm were tested for a number of things, and as always, they passed with flying colors.  Before starting this cycle, we knew that I have fewer eggs than normal and the quality of those eggs is poor (as compared to the average 34 year old female).  But, when 10 eggs were retrieved, we were hopeful.  The lab at CCRM is world-renowned, and Dr. Schoolcraft said they threw in every trick they know to fertilize my eggs and grow the embryos to blastocyst.  Seven of our ten eggs fertilized, but only one made it to blast.

Each day after fertilization, the cells in the embryo divide.  On day one, there are two cells.  On day two, there are four cells.  On day three, there are eight cells.  Well, that's how it goes if everything lines up perfectly.  On day three, we had zero eight cell embryos, including the one embryo that made it to blast.  On day three, some of the embryos were four cells, some were nine and ten cells.  It seems like the nine and ten cell embryos would be great--they are developing faster than they should be!  Not the case.  It just means that one or more cells in the embryo are not dividing appropriately, indicating that something is wrong.

So, the one embryo that we had started out poorly, it didn't divide correctly, and it took an extra day to make it to blast (it should only take five days; ours took six).  Yes, it was found to be chromosomally normal (after four long weeks of testing), but something wasn't right with it, presumably due to my egg, and it didn't implant.

At this point, Dr. Schoolcraft believes that I can still carry, but I might not be able to create a viable embryo (based on my history and test results).  Although, he pointed out that three years ago I "ovulated a golden egg," which gave us Chase, and it's possible that it could happen again.  So, we asked what our options are, and we were given two:

1) try another cycle with a different aggressive protocol (will likely yield the same results), or
2) try a cycle with donor eggs (with a 80% chance of success).

Believe it or not, but we've decided to go with option one.  We are not ready to give up, and we want to make sure that we try everything we possibly can before it's time to throw in the towel (will it ever be time?!  not likely.).

Here's the plan:  I've started taking a female vitamin cocktail that is loaded with antioxidants, and I've started taking CCRM's OvaHealth, which is acai straight from the Amazon (not the online retail store, lol).  This acai is a much more potent antioxidant than over-the-counter acai.  I will be taking the vitamin cocktail and the acai for 12 weeks, and our hope is that the antioxidants will repair any damage that my eggs have endured.  In fact, CCRM is currently conducting research with the acai, and they have seen an improvement in the number of eggs retrieved and the number of embryos making it to blast with the use of acai for 12 weeks prior to stims and retrieval.

The vitamin cocktail and acai buys us 12 weeks to come up with the large payment for a third IVF (yikes!).  We did not receive a grant, so we are hoping to secure another loan.  If that goes well, we will be set for our third cycle.  We hope the saying is true--third time's a charm!