After that third failed cycle of IVF, we made an appointment with a new (third!) fertility clinic, Conceptions. We had that appointment in January 2017, and we consulted with the doctor about a donor egg cycle. We started going through photos and profiles of potential egg donors, and we were feeling like this was the path we wanted to go down, despite the big expense, once again.
But, then, something else happened in that month. We found a house that we wanted to buy. It was a quick sale, and before we knew it, we were using our savings for a down payment on our very first home purchase. An exciting time, but we knew that, financially, we had to take a break from fertility treatments.
As the weeks and months went by, we realized that we were enjoying life again without the cost and limitations that come with IVF. And what a time we had! We became Godparents to our friends' daughter. We traveled for weddings. We visited family (the Hodels) in North Carolina, after we realized the last time we had been there was when I was pregnant with Chase, 4+ years before. I got a promotion at work. I co-chaired RESOLVE'S Walk of Hope. Andrew and I each took a trip with our friends.
And I got this tattoo. The emerald green circle represents Chase: #miraclebaby #rainbowbaby #goldenegg #emeraldbirthstone The non-colored circles represent all the ones that could have been, but were lost due to miscarriage or failure to implant.
But, we did some things around family building as well. First, we attended an adoption information night with a local adoption agency. We learned that the average wait time to be matched with birth parents to adopt an infant is at least two years. And the cost isn't that much different from a donor cycle. I think that information night left us with more questions and concerns, and we decided not to move forward with it, for the time being.
Later, Andrew came across this article in the Belleville News Democrat. He showed me the article, we read it, we discussed it, and we decided that the best way we could offer to help would be to approach them about an open adoption. We knew it was a long shot, and we thought "maybe that would be too forward," but we couldn't let it pass us by. So we contacted the pastor of the church that was working with the couple and asked if they had mentioned or considered adoption. The pastor said they had not, but that we could put some information and pictures together, and he would present it to the couple. We wrote a letter to the couple about our family, our inability to conceive, the idea of open adoption, how we would provide a safe and loving home, etc., and we included some photos of our family engaging in our favorite activities. We sent it all to the pastor. Days and then weeks went by, and we didn't hear back. At that point we knew, it was just too forward. But we reached out to the pastor to follow up. We eventually got a response from him, with the devastating news that the father was back in jail and the mother miscarried the twins.
And finally, we started looking into fostering. We aren't that deep into the process, so we don't have enough information yet to know if it's right for us.
I don't know where we will go from here, but I do know that we want more kids and we want Chase to have a sibling. And it's a shame that people with infertility have to spend thousands of dollars to even try. We are a $100,000 in, and in our mid to late 30s. How much more can we spend? How much longer can we try?
I recently opened a shop on Etsy with the hopes of earning extra income for this journey we've been on. We'll see how that goes, but I think I'll turn 50 before I make/sell any significant amount, LOL. Andrew and I named it WalkersWish, because it's our wish to keep growing our family.
I don't know what's going to happen next, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that an opportunity comes our way, and soon.
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