The Results--Infertility Wins Again

The long wait is finally over.  This second cycle of IVF lasted nearly six months.  When we first started, the end seemed almost impossible to reach.  But, we are now nine days post frozen embryo transfer (FET) with results from the blood pregnancy test.

Before the transfer, we discussed whether or not we would use home pregnancy tests (HPT).  We were torn.  We knew I could get a false negative, which would cause stress.  Or I could get a positive without knowing that the HCG level is really too low or not doubling properly for a viable pregnancy.  But, as I scrolled through my online peer support group, I saw so many women sharing their positive HPTs (taken before their blood pregnancy test), and I knew that I wanted that too.  I started testing on day four, and kept testing every day until my blood test (today 12/16).  The results?

Negative.  Every single day.  It definitely caused a lot of stress and sadness for me.  I knew I should stop, but I became addicted, hoping to see a positive each time.

"Maybe it's a late implanter" is what many of my peers (from the support group) said.  But, I knew from that first test that it would not be a good outcome.  And today, we experienced what I feared--my HCG is negative, and we failed again.

How could this be??  We've been through so much in this journey.  I've been through multiple surgeries, I've transformed my diet (no more caffeine including chocolate--my favorite!, gluten-free, no alcohol, etc.), I've tried acupuncture, I've been poked hundreds of times between the injections and the blood work, and we've spent over $60,000 in the process.  I'm now being treated by a renowned physician at one of the nation's leading fertility clinics.  And we still failed.

We don't know what went wrong, especially since the embryo was chromosomally normal.  It could be the endometriosis.  Once the damage is done, there is no turning back.  The disease is not curable, the damage is not fixable.  We have a regroup scheduled with our doctor on January 5th.  So, at this time, we are taking a break and we will enjoy the holiday with our family and friends.

When I look back over this entire blog, I am reminded that we spent an entire year (all of 2015) in IVF.  The year and a half before that was just us doing what we could, trying to conceive naturally.  Two and a half years of the nightmare that is infertility.  We aren't done fighting, but we don't know what our next step will be.

Transfer Day 12/7/15

Monday, December 7th was the Transfer Day for our one surviving embryo--day 6, grade 5BB.  We were excited for this day, but we are both still nervous for the outcome.

Before heading up to the OR, we met with our nurse, who has been with us the entire journey at CCRM.  Since day one she has calmed us with her humor.  It continued as she told us "go get knocked up, you guys" before sending us up the elevator.

After blood work and my first round of acupuncture, the embryologist came to speak with us about our embryo.  We knew that there was a less than 5% chance that the embryo would not survive the thawing process.  But, the embryologist assured us that the embryo thawed nicely and was looking beautiful as it was starting to expand.  In the picture above you can see that it was already hatching, ready for implantation.

Here, I had just finished my first round of acupuncture (and a Valium!), and I was feeling ultra relaxed.

As I was being prepped by my doctor for the transfer, the embryologist was loading our embryo into a catheter.

The transfer itself was rather quick, but Andrew was able to video it on the monitor.  If you zoom in, you can actually see the embryo placed in my uterus.  Click here if you would like to view it.

I couldn't help but smile afterwards :)

It was simply amazing to watch the little ray of light enter me. 

It's crazy to think that we could already know the gender of our embryo.  It was determined during the chromosomal testing.  However, we have opted to wait until the first ultrasound to find out.  Chase, our 2-year-old, has requested a sister for months now.  He has even asked for two sisters, LOL!   What's amusing is that he said he wants to name his baby sister Frosty.  He has no idea that our little embaby WAS frosty (frozen) for two months. 

We now have the long 9 day wait until our blood pregnancy test.  It is currently scheduled for December 16th.  We will hopefully receive same day results.  We are nervous, but we hope to have exciting news to share with our loved ones.