Here we are, three and a half months after starting this journey, two weeks after the egg retrieval, and nine days after our first embryo transfer. Today, we had our blood pregnancy test. We waited and waited for the call that finally came around 4:45pm.
The results....not good. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) was only 6. At this point, a successful pregnancy would result in an HCG level of at least 50. Our nurse called this a "gray area." It's not negative, but it's no where near the level of a viable pregnancy. I will have a second blood pregnancy test on Wednesday, just to confirm our failed IVF cycle. We had two viable embryos, and we don't even get to have one.
We had so many people send us positive thoughts and so many people prayed for us. I can't believe how many views our blog has had and how many people have reached out to us. We are so appreciative of everyone's words of encouragement, support, and concern. I wish we had better news to share.
Instead, we are in a complete state of devastation. We put everything we have--emotionally, physically, and financially--into this. I did everything I was supposed to do--acupuncture, the Fertility diet, vitamin D supplements, prescription prenatal vitamins, multiple injections for several weeks, took a lengthy list of oral medications, was on bed rest after the embryo transfer--and none of it mattered.
I know that we are already luckier than some couples because we have Chase, our son who turns two years old in four days. But, I have to say that it doesn't take away the heartache that we are experiencing. It doesn't remove the desire we have to grow and expand our family. But, we have to move on, we have to put on a happy face, for Chase. He is what matters most. I don't know if this is the end of our journey. We don't want to give up, but we don't know what other options we realistically have. I never wanted an "only child," but I am so grateful for the only child we have.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Things are looking up!
The world works in mysterious ways. Yesterday, we had one embryo with high quality grading--AB--and it was transferred. The other two embryos were graded CC and were deemed not viable. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist told us that the Embryologist would continue to watch those two embryos for another 24 hours. If, and it was a big IF, those two embryos continued to grow and improve, they would freeze them for a future transfer.
We weren't really expecting that to happen, given the poor quality. But then the phone rang at 10am today and I saw my doctor's name on the caller ID. Without getting my hopes up, I answered the call. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! One of those CC embryos changed over night and became an AB embryo! She wanted us to go into her office ASAP so she could make another transfer. I had to pause and ask her, "are you serious?!?" She said, "yes, I am serious...get here as soon as you can." A very large smile emerged, and I think Andrew was filled with more excitement than I was, if that is even possible.
So, off we went, and within 1-2 hours we had our second embryo transferred. Here is a picture of the little latecomer:
We weren't really expecting that to happen, given the poor quality. But then the phone rang at 10am today and I saw my doctor's name on the caller ID. Without getting my hopes up, I answered the call. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! One of those CC embryos changed over night and became an AB embryo! She wanted us to go into her office ASAP so she could make another transfer. I had to pause and ask her, "are you serious?!?" She said, "yes, I am serious...get here as soon as you can." A very large smile emerged, and I think Andrew was filled with more excitement than I was, if that is even possible.
So, off we went, and within 1-2 hours we had our second embryo transferred. Here is a picture of the little latecomer:
The picture of this embryo is unique as it is contracting. Once it gets to the expanded blastocyst phase, it contracts and expands to get out of the shell, preparing for implantation. It was transferred at just the right time.
The end-all goal is a successful pregnancy. While we are hoping that at least one embryo will implant, we will be ecstatic if both do.
Below is a picture of us right before the second transfer today. You could not wipe these smiles off of our faces if you tried.
Now, we anxiously await the 27th, when we will find out if either of the embryos have implanted!
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Cautiously optimistic
Today is Saturday, the day of our embryo transfer, day 5 since the egg retrieval. On days 1, 2, and 3 after the retrieval, we were updated on the status of our embryos. On day 4, we did not get a status update because the incubator isn't opened on day 4. So, our last update, on day 3, gave us hope as our three embryos were growing strong. We knew that our Reproductive Endocrinologist would transfer two embryos as long as there were two that met the requirements for transfer.
Everything changed today. In my last post, I included a picture of the embryo growth day-by-day, illustrating that the embryo should become a blastocyst on day 5. The blastocysts are "graded" based on their morphology quality. Both the "inner cell mass" (which forms the baby) and the "outer cell mass" (which forms the placenta) are graded. A grade of AA is the best quality. Today, two of our three embryos were graded as CC, which means they are not viable. Only one embryo had a grade of AB, which is not perfect, but is still very good quality. Here is a picture of our last remaining shot at this. This is our one and only embryo that made it to transfer day.
We started with 12 follicles, retrieved 9 eggs, and had 7 mature eggs. Only three of those eggs fertilized normally, and now we are down to one good quality embryo. One.
Today was a rough day for us. We went in to our appointment expecting to transfer two embryos and have one left to freeze. We weren't prepared for the news that only one embryo made it to the blastocyst phase. It was like the wind was suddenly knocked out of us.
But, we did it--we had our one little strong embryo transferred today. We are hoping for the best, but were told to be "cautiously optimistic." I'm not quite sure how to feel. Today should be an exciting day and we should be celebrating. Rather, I am nervous and uneasy. I will probably feel this way until our next appointment, which is our blood pregnancy test on April 27th. Until then, we continue to live in suspense.
Everything changed today. In my last post, I included a picture of the embryo growth day-by-day, illustrating that the embryo should become a blastocyst on day 5. The blastocysts are "graded" based on their morphology quality. Both the "inner cell mass" (which forms the baby) and the "outer cell mass" (which forms the placenta) are graded. A grade of AA is the best quality. Today, two of our three embryos were graded as CC, which means they are not viable. Only one embryo had a grade of AB, which is not perfect, but is still very good quality. Here is a picture of our last remaining shot at this. This is our one and only embryo that made it to transfer day.
We started with 12 follicles, retrieved 9 eggs, and had 7 mature eggs. Only three of those eggs fertilized normally, and now we are down to one good quality embryo. One.
Today was a rough day for us. We went in to our appointment expecting to transfer two embryos and have one left to freeze. We weren't prepared for the news that only one embryo made it to the blastocyst phase. It was like the wind was suddenly knocked out of us.
But, we did it--we had our one little strong embryo transferred today. We are hoping for the best, but were told to be "cautiously optimistic." I'm not quite sure how to feel. Today should be an exciting day and we should be celebrating. Rather, I am nervous and uneasy. I will probably feel this way until our next appointment, which is our blood pregnancy test on April 27th. Until then, we continue to live in suspense.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Embryo update
This roller coaster ride just won't end. (But when it does, I hope we are left with a smile.) I was reading another woman's blog of her journey in trying to conceive. She said, "Life as an IVF patient means that you pretty much live in a state of constant suspense." She couldn't be more right.
Our egg retrieval on Monday resulted in 9 eggs of 12 follicles. On Tuesday we got the first call from the embryologist regarding the fertilization results. Of the nine eggs, only seven were mature, ready for fertilization. Of those seven mature eggs, only three fertilized normally. Three. How could it be only three?? We started with 12 follicles and now we are down to three fertilized eggs.
The problem is my endometriosis and the effect it has on my eggs. Each of the seven mature eggs had to have any endometriosis cells removed, which also removes the binding agent that the sperm needs to fertilize the eggs. In addition, the endometriosis attacks the eggs, leaving them with poor quality. This is why we are left with only three normally fertilized eggs.
Once again, I felt heartbroken. I realize that three embryos is better than zero. But, at the same time, three is so few. And if anything happens with those three, then we are left with even fewer embryos. The fewer the embryos we have, the lesser the chance of a successful pregnancy from this cycle of IVF. Some people go through multiple rounds of IVF, so if it doesn't work out the first time, maybe it will the next time. But, I don't think we will have a "next time." It's expensive; it's REALLY expensive, especially when insurance won't pay a penny. Looking at Chase, we know that you can't put a price on having a child. It's the BEST experience in the world, and we would pay any price to have Chase all over again. But, the worst part of IVF is the stress, the emotional toll it takes. And we are not sure that it would be healthy for us to go through all of this again, especially with Andrew's heart condition.
The tables turned again today when we got the day-2 embryo update from our embryologist. The three embryos that made it to day-1 are still going strong. They have made it to day-2! Two of those eggs have divided into four cells and one of the eggs has divided into five cells. On day-2, they look for four cells; that is what's ideal. But, the 5-cell egg does not pose any problems right now, and all three embryos are of good quality. The picture below will help you better understand what the embryos should look like at each day. We hope that all three eggs make it to day-5, the blastocyst phase. On that day, we will have the embryo transfer.
The embryologist will call us again tomorrow with the day-3 update. They don't open the incubator on day-4, so tomorrow will be the last update we get until we go in for the transfer on day-5. We will try to stay positive until then :)
Our egg retrieval on Monday resulted in 9 eggs of 12 follicles. On Tuesday we got the first call from the embryologist regarding the fertilization results. Of the nine eggs, only seven were mature, ready for fertilization. Of those seven mature eggs, only three fertilized normally. Three. How could it be only three?? We started with 12 follicles and now we are down to three fertilized eggs.
The problem is my endometriosis and the effect it has on my eggs. Each of the seven mature eggs had to have any endometriosis cells removed, which also removes the binding agent that the sperm needs to fertilize the eggs. In addition, the endometriosis attacks the eggs, leaving them with poor quality. This is why we are left with only three normally fertilized eggs.
Once again, I felt heartbroken. I realize that three embryos is better than zero. But, at the same time, three is so few. And if anything happens with those three, then we are left with even fewer embryos. The fewer the embryos we have, the lesser the chance of a successful pregnancy from this cycle of IVF. Some people go through multiple rounds of IVF, so if it doesn't work out the first time, maybe it will the next time. But, I don't think we will have a "next time." It's expensive; it's REALLY expensive, especially when insurance won't pay a penny. Looking at Chase, we know that you can't put a price on having a child. It's the BEST experience in the world, and we would pay any price to have Chase all over again. But, the worst part of IVF is the stress, the emotional toll it takes. And we are not sure that it would be healthy for us to go through all of this again, especially with Andrew's heart condition.
The tables turned again today when we got the day-2 embryo update from our embryologist. The three embryos that made it to day-1 are still going strong. They have made it to day-2! Two of those eggs have divided into four cells and one of the eggs has divided into five cells. On day-2, they look for four cells; that is what's ideal. But, the 5-cell egg does not pose any problems right now, and all three embryos are of good quality. The picture below will help you better understand what the embryos should look like at each day. We hope that all three eggs make it to day-5, the blastocyst phase. On that day, we will have the embryo transfer.
The embryologist will call us again tomorrow with the day-3 update. They don't open the incubator on day-4, so tomorrow will be the last update we get until we go in for the transfer on day-5. We will try to stay positive until then :)
Monday, April 13, 2015
Egg Retrieval
Today was the first of three major days in this process--the egg retrieval. This is the day we have been prepping for since January. The other two days that we are eagerly awaiting are the embryo transfer and the blood pregnancy test.
Our most recent ultrasound, on Saturday 4/11, showed 12 follicles. At that time, my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) predicted that she would retrieve approximately nine eggs from those follicles because some of the smaller follicles would most likely not have a mature egg.
I was both excited and nervous going in to the egg retrieval today. The number of eggs retrieved directly impacts the number of embryos we hope to have. As I slowly awakened from anesthesia, I remember the first question I asked..."how many eggs did you retrieve?" I remember the response..."the eggs are still being counted, but at least five." I remember feeling happy and disappointed at the same time. Happy because five eggs is better than zero eggs. Disappointed because we hoped for so many more.
As I was transferred to the recovery room, Andrew was finally able to be by my side. The embryologist came in to talk to us and gave us the good news--they retrieved NINE eggs! The final count was complete. My RE's prediction was spot on. Nine!
The embryologist will now attempt to fertilize all of my eggs with Andrew's sperm. Once the eggs are fertilized, the embryologist will monitor them and give us an update every day until it is time for the embryo transfer. She will call me tomorrow with the initial fertilization results. It's so crazy to think that we might have a baby (or babies) starting to develop right now!
Now that the retrieval is over, we will update the IVF calendar again with all of the new medications I will be taking, including another injection and patches. The new injection I will be taking is progesterone oil. It is needed to support the lining of the uterus and maintain early pregnancy. I get to take this bad boy every day for the next 10 weeks.
Our most recent ultrasound, on Saturday 4/11, showed 12 follicles. At that time, my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) predicted that she would retrieve approximately nine eggs from those follicles because some of the smaller follicles would most likely not have a mature egg.
I was both excited and nervous going in to the egg retrieval today. The number of eggs retrieved directly impacts the number of embryos we hope to have. As I slowly awakened from anesthesia, I remember the first question I asked..."how many eggs did you retrieve?" I remember the response..."the eggs are still being counted, but at least five." I remember feeling happy and disappointed at the same time. Happy because five eggs is better than zero eggs. Disappointed because we hoped for so many more.
As I was transferred to the recovery room, Andrew was finally able to be by my side. The embryologist came in to talk to us and gave us the good news--they retrieved NINE eggs! The final count was complete. My RE's prediction was spot on. Nine!
The embryologist will now attempt to fertilize all of my eggs with Andrew's sperm. Once the eggs are fertilized, the embryologist will monitor them and give us an update every day until it is time for the embryo transfer. She will call me tomorrow with the initial fertilization results. It's so crazy to think that we might have a baby (or babies) starting to develop right now!
Now that the retrieval is over, we will update the IVF calendar again with all of the new medications I will be taking, including another injection and patches. The new injection I will be taking is progesterone oil. It is needed to support the lining of the uterus and maintain early pregnancy. I get to take this bad boy every day for the next 10 weeks.
We will continue to update our family and friends as we move to embryo transfer.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Follicle Growth
The good news continued on Thursday when we met with our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) again. Ultrasound showed 11 follicles growing strong, and my estrogen level increased to 1920. We were all smiles, and then we met with our RE again today. Could we possible smile even more?? Yes!! Today, ultrasound showed 12 follicles, and my estrogen level increased to 3813! My RE expects to retrieve approximately nine eggs from those follicles (some smaller follicles might not have eggs). My uterus lining is now at 11, which is incredible! She claims that I am doing much better than expected! We are so thrilled and are looking forward to the egg retrieval, which is scheduled for 9am on Monday 4/13.
In my last post, I shared a video of the Follicle Growth Dance that Andrew's sister and her friends created. Since that video, at least three more have been made! They are not on You Tube (rather, they are on Facebook), so I can't attach them to this blog. But, I have to wonder if all of those dances have helped my follicle growth! Thank you to everyone for so much support!
If you've never gone through IVF, you may not know exactly what goes into it. We had no idea how much time, how many steps, and how much medication would be required. We started this process in January, and we didn't start the stimulation phase until March 31st. Once the stimulation phase started, we were hit with an incredible amount of information, steps, and medication. Every day is not the same; the meds change and appointments are frequent. For that reason, Andrew created an IVF Calendar that we keep with the mini pharmacy we built in the guest bathroom. We update it every couple of days and it keeps us organized. The colored items are the three stimulation injections. The black items are all the other injections and medications that I have to take during this phase. Today, we got to add the egg retrieval and potential embryo transfer to the calendar :)
In my last post, I shared a video of the Follicle Growth Dance that Andrew's sister and her friends created. Since that video, at least three more have been made! They are not on You Tube (rather, they are on Facebook), so I can't attach them to this blog. But, I have to wonder if all of those dances have helped my follicle growth! Thank you to everyone for so much support!
If you've never gone through IVF, you may not know exactly what goes into it. We had no idea how much time, how many steps, and how much medication would be required. We started this process in January, and we didn't start the stimulation phase until March 31st. Once the stimulation phase started, we were hit with an incredible amount of information, steps, and medication. Every day is not the same; the meds change and appointments are frequent. For that reason, Andrew created an IVF Calendar that we keep with the mini pharmacy we built in the guest bathroom. We update it every couple of days and it keeps us organized. The colored items are the three stimulation injections. The black items are all the other injections and medications that I have to take during this phase. Today, we got to add the egg retrieval and potential embryo transfer to the calendar :)
Tonight was my last night of stimulation injections, which means that my belly is now free from being stabbed with needles! Here is what my belly looked like after 10 days of injections (I took stimulation injections for a total of 12 days):
Swollen, round, puffy, bloated....and bruised. I'm glad to finally give it a chance to rest.
I go back to my RE tomorrow, Sunday, for another blood draw. (During IVF, my RE and her staff work every day, sometimes 28 days without a day off.) As long as everything looks good, we will have the egg retrieval on Monday :)
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Good News Tues!
I am officially puffy...swollen...bloated. Everywhere. I feel huge. I've been on three stimulation injections for one week now. Tomorrow I will start a fourth. But, I am more than happy to say that everything is going well and we are right on track!
On Saturday 4/4, I went to my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) for an ultrasound and blood work. My estrogen level was right on track. At this point in the stimulation phase, estrogen should be at least 250; mine was 267. By ultrasound, she found that I had 8 follicles growing. Eight is not really a great number, but for ME, it was good news! My RE said that over the next few days I could start growing even more follicles or that the 8 I had may not fully develop, meaning that I would end up with less. This news kind of shook me. Up until now, I was focused on how many embryos we would have and how many we would get to transfer. It never occurred to me, until this point in time, that we might not even get ANY embryos--I might not have enough eggs, or the eggs that I do have will be of poor quality. It's a harsh possibility that we must consider, but I am now prepared for that outcome if it does happen.
On a better note, we got great news today! We had another ultrasound and blood work. My estrogen has continued to rise (now 1,087), which is what should happen now. My uterus is looking great; the thickness of the lining needs to be at least 8mm, and I am currently at 7mm. My RE expects this to be on track at our next appointment. Looking at the ovaries, she was able to see 11 follicles! An improvement since Saturday. They are growing appropriately, and she is now estimating that we will be ready for egg retrieval on Monday 4/13. Based on my AMH level, she expects to retrieve eggs from 70% of the follicles (meaning that 30% of the follicles are expected to not have eggs). If the retrieval does in fact take place on 4/13, she also estimates that the embryo transfer will be ready on 4/18.
So, it seems that the injections are doing their job! But, if that wasn't enough, Andrew's sister and her friends created a Follicle Growth Dance to aid in our success. (Ok, so there is a back story to this. If you know Andrew's family, you won't be surprised.) You can view the video yourself. Enjoy!
On Saturday 4/4, I went to my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) for an ultrasound and blood work. My estrogen level was right on track. At this point in the stimulation phase, estrogen should be at least 250; mine was 267. By ultrasound, she found that I had 8 follicles growing. Eight is not really a great number, but for ME, it was good news! My RE said that over the next few days I could start growing even more follicles or that the 8 I had may not fully develop, meaning that I would end up with less. This news kind of shook me. Up until now, I was focused on how many embryos we would have and how many we would get to transfer. It never occurred to me, until this point in time, that we might not even get ANY embryos--I might not have enough eggs, or the eggs that I do have will be of poor quality. It's a harsh possibility that we must consider, but I am now prepared for that outcome if it does happen.
On a better note, we got great news today! We had another ultrasound and blood work. My estrogen has continued to rise (now 1,087), which is what should happen now. My uterus is looking great; the thickness of the lining needs to be at least 8mm, and I am currently at 7mm. My RE expects this to be on track at our next appointment. Looking at the ovaries, she was able to see 11 follicles! An improvement since Saturday. They are growing appropriately, and she is now estimating that we will be ready for egg retrieval on Monday 4/13. Based on my AMH level, she expects to retrieve eggs from 70% of the follicles (meaning that 30% of the follicles are expected to not have eggs). If the retrieval does in fact take place on 4/13, she also estimates that the embryo transfer will be ready on 4/18.
So, it seems that the injections are doing their job! But, if that wasn't enough, Andrew's sister and her friends created a Follicle Growth Dance to aid in our success. (Ok, so there is a back story to this. If you know Andrew's family, you won't be surprised.) You can view the video yourself. Enjoy!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Roadblock down!
Wow, what a ride this has been! A few short days after we received the bad news that we could not proceed until the cyst was gone and the estrogen level was down, we started to see the light again. I finally started the long-anticipated period this past Sunday. When I gave my doctor the news, she wanted me to come in for another ultrasound and more lab work. On Tuesday, the ultrasound showed that the cyst was gone and that everything looked good. Great news! Then, we just had to wait a few hours to get the lab work results back, hoping to see a drop in estrogen. Later that afternoon I got a call from our nurse informing me that my estrogen did, in fact, drop. For this process, the estrogen level needs to be below 90. My first draw was around 150, much too high. (The cyst was most likely contributing to that level.) The more recent draw was 30. So, with the cyst gone and the estrogen level down, we got the green light to proceed!
That night, on Tuesday, we started the injections. That first night was a slow, shaky start. It took quite a while to go through everything and figure out what was what. We had to mix the right amount of medication and use the correct size needles for mixing and administering. Andrew gave his first shot! Three of them to be exact. And he did a wonderful job.
In this phase of the stimulation, my three injections are Follistim, Menopur, and Saizen (growth hormone). (These are just stock photos; I haven't taken my own pictures yet, but it's basically all the same).
I also take two Clomid tablets. As we progress through the stimulation phase, the injections and tablets will change.
The roadblock could have been a lot bigger. Instead, it was just a three day push-back. We are estimating that the egg retrieval will occur around 4/9 or 4/10. We won't know for sure until the day before or the day of, because everything depends on how I respond to the stimulation medications. This means that we are hoping to see many many follicles on both ovaries by these dates :)
That night, on Tuesday, we started the injections. That first night was a slow, shaky start. It took quite a while to go through everything and figure out what was what. We had to mix the right amount of medication and use the correct size needles for mixing and administering. Andrew gave his first shot! Three of them to be exact. And he did a wonderful job.
In this phase of the stimulation, my three injections are Follistim, Menopur, and Saizen (growth hormone). (These are just stock photos; I haven't taken my own pictures yet, but it's basically all the same).
I also take two Clomid tablets. As we progress through the stimulation phase, the injections and tablets will change.
The roadblock could have been a lot bigger. Instead, it was just a three day push-back. We are estimating that the egg retrieval will occur around 4/9 or 4/10. We won't know for sure until the day before or the day of, because everything depends on how I respond to the stimulation medications. This means that we are hoping to see many many follicles on both ovaries by these dates :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)