A week in review...

Wow, the week has flown by, and I just realized that we haven't posted any updates since before the egg retrieval!

On Saturday, 4/23 we had our third and final egg retrieval.  While we retrieved fewer eggs than expected, it was still the most we've ever gotten during a retrieval--11 eggs.  The next day, the embryologist called us with the fertilization report.  Nine of the 11 eggs were mature, but only five fertilized.  They tried to mature the other two eggs in the lab, but it was unsuccessful.

We were happy to have five fertilized eggs.  On day three, the embryologist called again with an update.  All five embryos were continuing to grow!  They were all within the normal range of cells for day three.  They also look for fragmentation of the embryos.  Two of ours had little to no fragmentation, and three had no fragmentation.  The embryologist told me that this indicates good quality embryos.  I was all smiles!

Today is officially day six.  The embryologist called us this morning with the blast report.  Three of our embryos stopped growing in between day three and day six, and two embryos made it to the blastocyst phase.  Both embryos have the exact same grade--day 6, 4BB.  For reference, a day 5, 5AA is best.  So, our embryos, once again, took longer to get to the blast phase.

I'm really not sure how to feel right now.  On one hand, I'm happy to have two embryos to work with.  On the other hand, I'm disappointed in the grade of both, and it's really hard to get excited for a transfer.  But, these roller coaster emotions are all part of the infertility life, and we are used to it by now.

We will likely have our transfer within the next two months.  But, first, we are going to regroup with our doctor to find out if we should transfer one or two embryos and to make sure that my body is truly ready.

It's trigger day!

I have been stimming for 13 long days now, waiting for follicles to grow.  My belly is bruised, swollen, and sore from all of the daily injections.  But, it is coming to end, and I am ready for my third and final egg retrieval.

At our first follicle check this round, I had very few follicles, and I starting doubting our decision to go for another round with my eggs.  But over the last 13 days, the follicles have continued to grow, and we now have a total of 15, which is a great number for me!  It is estimated that 13 of those follicles will have mature eggs (based on their growth).  This is our best round so far.  I'm trying to stay positive without getting my hopes up, because it all comes down to the quality of those eggs.  I hope that the acai, vitamin cocktail, and changes I've made all come together to help create good quality eggs that fertilize normally and make it to blastocyst.

The egg retrieval is on Saturday.  After 1-2 days, we will get our fertilization report -- how many eggs are mature and how many fertilize.  Another 4-5 days later will find out how many embryos make it to blastocyst.  From there, any embryos we have will be frozen while my body detoxifies from these horrible fertility drugs.  We haven't chosen a transfer date yet, but I imagine it will be approximately 2 months after the retrieval.

Round 3, here we go!

When we first decided to try IVF, over a year ago, I never imagined that there would be a round three.  I was naive and thought we would be successful after one cycle.  But here we are, calendar in hand, ready to face our third and final (yes, I said final) cycle using my own eggs.

I've spent the last two months trying to improve my egg quality.  With each IVF cycle, I've become more and more careful about what foods and beverages I put into my body.  I'm a generally healthy person, but I've had to change my dietary eating habits to match those that are associated with fertility treatments.

I've also been taking OvaHealth (acai--three times per day) and a female vitamin cocktail during the last two months in hopes of improving my egg quality.  The vitamin cocktail includes some antioxidants such as vitamins C and E and melatonin.  I am also taking a prescription prenatal vitamin, which contains adequate folic acid in a form that is easy to absorb.  DHA, Myo-Inositol, and CoQ10 are also on my daily list.  If a 34 year old woman carrying a large pill box around doesn't scream sexy, I don't know what does...

This cycle, I've not only been concerned about what I put in my body, but also what I put on my body.  I've been focusing on avoiding phthalates, parabens, and BPA, as all three have an association with infertility or poor egg quality (I've been doing my homework!).  I've changed my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, body lotion, deodorant, sunblock, and toothpaste.  I now look for these items without phthalates and parabens, and I look for them in BPA-free containers.  I've also changed our laundry detergent, fabric softener, dish soap, and dish washing detergent.  Even if this doesn't help my egg quality, I still feel good about the changes (regardless of the increased cost) as I am using more organic, vegan, and cruelty-free products.

We will start the stims (those fun injections) for the last time in about three weeks.  We are tentatively scheduled for our last egg retrieval on April 21st.  We will soon find out if all of the changes I've made are improving my egg quality.

Regroup update

It's been three weeks since our regroup appointment with our doctor.  Andrew and I have had time to discuss our options and wishes, and we can now provide an update.

Upon entering the consult room, Dr. Schoolcraft said, "this must be like deja vu for you two."  Well, yes, in a way it certainly was.  This was our second IVF fail regroup.  Except this time was easier since we weren't as naive as the first time.

 When we failed at the first clinic, Dr. Schoolcraft (our current specialist) thought that the lab might have been low-quality, prohibiting some of the embryos from developing, and that the two embryos we did have were destroyed after transfer by my hydrosalpinx.  Dr. Schoolcraft fixed the hydrosalpinx and tested me for any other problem that might prevent me from carrying--all is well!

So, why did we fail?  It all comes down to the quality of my eggs.  Andrew's sperm were tested for a number of things, and as always, they passed with flying colors.  Before starting this cycle, we knew that I have fewer eggs than normal and the quality of those eggs is poor (as compared to the average 34 year old female).  But, when 10 eggs were retrieved, we were hopeful.  The lab at CCRM is world-renowned, and Dr. Schoolcraft said they threw in every trick they know to fertilize my eggs and grow the embryos to blastocyst.  Seven of our ten eggs fertilized, but only one made it to blast.

Each day after fertilization, the cells in the embryo divide.  On day one, there are two cells.  On day two, there are four cells.  On day three, there are eight cells.  Well, that's how it goes if everything lines up perfectly.  On day three, we had zero eight cell embryos, including the one embryo that made it to blast.  On day three, some of the embryos were four cells, some were nine and ten cells.  It seems like the nine and ten cell embryos would be great--they are developing faster than they should be!  Not the case.  It just means that one or more cells in the embryo are not dividing appropriately, indicating that something is wrong.

So, the one embryo that we had started out poorly, it didn't divide correctly, and it took an extra day to make it to blast (it should only take five days; ours took six).  Yes, it was found to be chromosomally normal (after four long weeks of testing), but something wasn't right with it, presumably due to my egg, and it didn't implant.

At this point, Dr. Schoolcraft believes that I can still carry, but I might not be able to create a viable embryo (based on my history and test results).  Although, he pointed out that three years ago I "ovulated a golden egg," which gave us Chase, and it's possible that it could happen again.  So, we asked what our options are, and we were given two:

1) try another cycle with a different aggressive protocol (will likely yield the same results), or
2) try a cycle with donor eggs (with a 80% chance of success).

Believe it or not, but we've decided to go with option one.  We are not ready to give up, and we want to make sure that we try everything we possibly can before it's time to throw in the towel (will it ever be time?!  not likely.).

Here's the plan:  I've started taking a female vitamin cocktail that is loaded with antioxidants, and I've started taking CCRM's OvaHealth, which is acai straight from the Amazon (not the online retail store, lol).  This acai is a much more potent antioxidant than over-the-counter acai.  I will be taking the vitamin cocktail and the acai for 12 weeks, and our hope is that the antioxidants will repair any damage that my eggs have endured.  In fact, CCRM is currently conducting research with the acai, and they have seen an improvement in the number of eggs retrieved and the number of embryos making it to blast with the use of acai for 12 weeks prior to stims and retrieval.

The vitamin cocktail and acai buys us 12 weeks to come up with the large payment for a third IVF (yikes!).  We did not receive a grant, so we are hoping to secure another loan.  If that goes well, we will be set for our third cycle.  We hope the saying is true--third time's a charm!

The Results--Infertility Wins Again

The long wait is finally over.  This second cycle of IVF lasted nearly six months.  When we first started, the end seemed almost impossible to reach.  But, we are now nine days post frozen embryo transfer (FET) with results from the blood pregnancy test.

Before the transfer, we discussed whether or not we would use home pregnancy tests (HPT).  We were torn.  We knew I could get a false negative, which would cause stress.  Or I could get a positive without knowing that the HCG level is really too low or not doubling properly for a viable pregnancy.  But, as I scrolled through my online peer support group, I saw so many women sharing their positive HPTs (taken before their blood pregnancy test), and I knew that I wanted that too.  I started testing on day four, and kept testing every day until my blood test (today 12/16).  The results?

Negative.  Every single day.  It definitely caused a lot of stress and sadness for me.  I knew I should stop, but I became addicted, hoping to see a positive each time.

"Maybe it's a late implanter" is what many of my peers (from the support group) said.  But, I knew from that first test that it would not be a good outcome.  And today, we experienced what I feared--my HCG is negative, and we failed again.

How could this be??  We've been through so much in this journey.  I've been through multiple surgeries, I've transformed my diet (no more caffeine including chocolate--my favorite!, gluten-free, no alcohol, etc.), I've tried acupuncture, I've been poked hundreds of times between the injections and the blood work, and we've spent over $60,000 in the process.  I'm now being treated by a renowned physician at one of the nation's leading fertility clinics.  And we still failed.

We don't know what went wrong, especially since the embryo was chromosomally normal.  It could be the endometriosis.  Once the damage is done, there is no turning back.  The disease is not curable, the damage is not fixable.  We have a regroup scheduled with our doctor on January 5th.  So, at this time, we are taking a break and we will enjoy the holiday with our family and friends.

When I look back over this entire blog, I am reminded that we spent an entire year (all of 2015) in IVF.  The year and a half before that was just us doing what we could, trying to conceive naturally.  Two and a half years of the nightmare that is infertility.  We aren't done fighting, but we don't know what our next step will be.

Transfer Day 12/7/15

Monday, December 7th was the Transfer Day for our one surviving embryo--day 6, grade 5BB.  We were excited for this day, but we are both still nervous for the outcome.

Before heading up to the OR, we met with our nurse, who has been with us the entire journey at CCRM.  Since day one she has calmed us with her humor.  It continued as she told us "go get knocked up, you guys" before sending us up the elevator.

After blood work and my first round of acupuncture, the embryologist came to speak with us about our embryo.  We knew that there was a less than 5% chance that the embryo would not survive the thawing process.  But, the embryologist assured us that the embryo thawed nicely and was looking beautiful as it was starting to expand.  In the picture above you can see that it was already hatching, ready for implantation.

Here, I had just finished my first round of acupuncture (and a Valium!), and I was feeling ultra relaxed.

As I was being prepped by my doctor for the transfer, the embryologist was loading our embryo into a catheter.

The transfer itself was rather quick, but Andrew was able to video it on the monitor.  If you zoom in, you can actually see the embryo placed in my uterus.  Click here if you would like to view it.

I couldn't help but smile afterwards :)

It was simply amazing to watch the little ray of light enter me. 

It's crazy to think that we could already know the gender of our embryo.  It was determined during the chromosomal testing.  However, we have opted to wait until the first ultrasound to find out.  Chase, our 2-year-old, has requested a sister for months now.  He has even asked for two sisters, LOL!   What's amusing is that he said he wants to name his baby sister Frosty.  He has no idea that our little embaby WAS frosty (frozen) for two months. 

We now have the long 9 day wait until our blood pregnancy test.  It is currently scheduled for December 16th.  We will hopefully receive same day results.  We are nervous, but we hope to have exciting news to share with our loved ones.

One little embryo

Waiting three a half weeks for news that could potentially change your life feels more like three and half years.  This has definitely been the longest and most difficult wait for us thus far.  After our blast report, when we found out that we only had one embryo make it, we were told that the CCS (chromosomal) testing would take 2-3 weeks to determine if our embryo is normal.  Two weeks came, then three weeks, and still no news.  At three weeks and five days we finally got the call.

We knew that if we got a call saying our embryo is normal, we would be able to move forward with a transfer (yay!).  But, if we got a call saying that our only embryo is abnormal, then we would not have a transfer and we would be back to the beginning.

I was dreading this phone call.  While I wanted to be optimistic, I was certain that this one embryo would come back aneuploidy (abnormal).  My egg quality is shot, so it was really hard to stay positive about the whole thing.  While the wait for the phone call was long and agonizing, I was ok that the call didn't come each day, because I just didn't want to hear the words that the embryo is abnormal.

Turns out, I didn't have to hear those words.  My nurse called tonight after hours and shouted "It's normal!"  I cried happy tears to her over the phone, and I couldn't wait to tell Andrew.  We are both beyond happy, excited, joyful, you name it...  And now we are thrilled to share the news with all of you!  Our chromosomally normal, grade 5bb embryo will be transferred on December 7th.  We can't wait!